For every little bit of pain inside me, there's always going to be a chance for healing. I never understood this before, but for once I feel like I can breathe again.
When pain was all you'd ever felt, happiness seems strange. Scary, even. You feel like you don't deserve the happiness, like it's not meant for you. It frightens and excites you at the same time. You're intrigued at the same time as wanting to run away, but you stay and let it fill you because on some level your desire for the happiness is intense. Extreme. Almost bestial.
Holding back on your emotions and feeling for most of your life, holding back your rage and fear, your sorrows... It turns you into three different people. The one you portray to the outside world, the one you truly are and that you try to protect, and the one that wants to destroy you with every little bit of self-loathing that you've got.
Finding the way to make yourself happy, after all those years of pain, you will do whatever it takes to protect th